Dark Moon
by liquid lily
Summary: Twilight from Edward's point of view.
1. First Week

Note: I won't compete with Stephanie Meyer, she's the fantastic writer who came up with this whole world. This story starts just after the first chapter of Midnight Sun which is posted on her website. Enjoy!

* * *

Monday

The temptation, the need, the desire; it clawed at me even now. The monster inside me howling at the thin restraints I had bound it to. The image I had seen in Alice's mind of Bella in her father's kitchen burned behind my eyes. I fought to replace it with the face of my father, reminding myself of what I had to do. Somehow, I knew, if I could only speak to Carlisle, I might have a chance.

The road flashed past me, the engine of my Volvo only hesitating when I passed the street I knew would take me to Chief Swan's house and Bella…

I growled and slammed my foot down on the accelerator with enough force to crack the casting in half. I would need Rosalie to take a look at that later, but when would that be? When would I see my family again? Could I ever come back to Forks? Or would they have to join me in Denali?

What had I done to deserve this exile? I hated Bella, hated her for her frailty, her humanity, and most of all her blood. Why shouldn't I just end her life, and drink her dry? It would be so pathetically easy, and so deeply satisfying. With her gone, all of my problems would end. Without her, there was no temptation. I wouldn't have to leave. Besides, why was I the one who had to flee? Hadn't this been my home first? Hadn't I been the one struggling to protect my family, to create a life for us here? She had done nothing to earn a home in Forks. Nothing.

But she didn't have to. She was human. She wasn't a _beast_, like me. She didn't have to lie, to pretend, and to listen in on other people's thoughts just to fit in. Of course I was the one who had to leave, I was the one who didn't belong here, not her. I was the monster.

Normally I was able to handle the stench of blood, and death hung within the hospital walls. But in my state, I knew I could tempt the monster no more today. Instead I called Carlisle from the Volvo, dialing his number as carefully as I could on the thin silver phone. I would already need a new car to make my trip; I didn't want to add a new phone to the list as well. I didn't need any other reason for delay.

"Edward." Carlisle picked up on the third ring.

"I'm outside." I tried to keep my voice as level as possible. I didn't want my father hearing the bloodlust and menace in my voice.

Still, he knew me well enough to know something was wrong. "I'll be right there."

I only had to wait minutes before my father was knocking softly on my passenger door. I reached across and let him into the car, not wanting to stay here any longer than necessary. Now that I had made my mind, I just wanted to leave. Leave forks, and put the al this behind me.

"I'm going, Carlisle," I said, my voice sounding plaintive, even to myself.

_What has happened, my son?_ Carlisle's thoughts, followed by a brief picture of how he saw me flooded into my mind. I hissed away from the image, ashamed at my rigid posture, cold expression, and pitch black eyes. It wasn't how I wanted him to see me; it wasn't how _I _wanted to see me.

"I—I don't know," I answered. "There was someone at school, a girl, some…" I struggled to describe the experience. "Some simpering, useless, _human_, girl." All this power at my disposal, this strength, and I am reduced to no more than an _animal_ over some schoolgirl. The idea made both the monster and I grimace in disgust. What was the point of holding back when there was so much to unleash?

Carlisle sighed. _It never gets easier, does it?_ "It happens to all of us, Edward, I do not fault you for being effected by it."

The desire in me retreated. I hung my head. As usual, my father knew the root of my problem. I hated to shame him, hated to be seen weak in his eyes. All these years, and I still couldn't fend off the monster within half as well as he could. "I've never felt so tempted," the smell of her was burned into my senses; my mouth salivated at the thought, the venom pooling between my teeth. "She was intoxicating, the bouquet…the blood…"

The monster reared its head again; I barely had it hiding beneath the surface. I felt my lips pull back at the thought of tasting the most delicious blood I had ever come across. Panicked at the picture I was creating in my head, I clenched my jaw, and fought the monster back. No, I was better than that. I had control.

"Breath, Edward," my father reminded me, calm and understanding as ever. "You didn't act upon your impulse that's what…"

I didn't need his words or his thoughts to finish the sentiment. "I know!" I roared, tired of the same mantra over and over again. I'd had eighty years of listening to Carlisle's sermon, but now more than ever the bloodlust was harder to resist. Harder, but more necessary. I would not disappoint my father again.

_I am only trying to help, Edward._

If anything, his calming words hurt me more than anything. Even if I had killed Bella, even if I had killed them all, he would still love me; he would still do anything to help me.

"Sorry," I said, holding the monster back and regaining some control. When would my calm return? Having him near did help, as much as my instincts tried to override my mind, my father's presence would keep me in balance. "But it is as if she existed only to damn me further. My own personal demon."

_You are not damned, my son._ I could almost hear the internal sigh. "You will find control, you will find peace. I know you, Edward. You would not do harm to an innocent, no matter how tantalizing her blood may be."

I wished I could believe it, but Carlisle didn't know how close I had come. I never wanted him to know how close I had come. "I'm not ready for this test, Carlisle," I said, feeling ashamed at having to admit it. "I can't think. Not while I'm in Forks."

_Then go, do what you must, Edward._ Carlisle gave me a gentle, knowing smile. "Just make sure that you let us know of your decision. The family will support you if you decide we must stay away." _I will need to speak to Esme, she won't like…_

I shied away from hearing the end of his thought. We had only been here a little over a year; Esme had barely even begun settling in. I couldn't make her move again, any of them.

"Alice will let you know what I decide," I said, already knowing that I would rather live in isolation than force my family to move now.

"Where will you be Edward?" he asked.

The image of the ice tundra's in Alice's vision crept back into my head. "Denali."

"Very well," said Carlisle. Then he placed his hand upon my shoulder and waited until I was looking him in the eye. _You will find your answer, you will do what's right, and you will always be my son._

Great feelings of shame, and pride filled me at once. If Jasper had been here I know I would have given him a headache. What had I done to deserve such a father?

"I'll need your car," I said, already handing over the keys to my Volvo. "And you'll need to have Rosalie take a look at my accelerator."

Wordlessly Carlisle passed over the keys to his Mercedes.

There was no need for a goodbye after that, not with Carlisle. We looked at one another briefly, and then I was gone. Running across the parking lot, jumping into Carlisle's Mercedes, and racing off the long stretch of road for Denali, and what I hoped would be relief.

* * *

Tuesday

The trip should take longer. Even driving all night, as I had, the journey still should have last at least another day. Still, as hour after hour passed, and Alaska drew nearer and nearer. I would be there soon and I would have to explain to all of them why I had left my family.

It seemed so insignificant now. Was I really so weak? I hadn't hunted in two weeks; I had been focusing on Jasper, and calming down Alice. There must have been some other factor, some small unlucky series of events that had tested my resolve. There was no way that after all of these years I could have been brought to such a low over one irrelevant human.

But she wasn't irrelevant. Even if I could explain away the circumstance, I knew her blood was something special. I would have given up my secret, and my family to taste it. I had planed her death, planed how I would draw her away to some secluded corner… I had planed everything but the actual act it self. It was the only shred of humility I had left. At least I hadn't pictured her skin beneath my teeth, torn away to release the torrent of the fluid I longed for so much.

And oh, I felt the longing. I felt it in my dead, unmoving heart. The command of it surpassed every instinct I had ever had. It was more than when Carlisle had turned me and I had felt that first all encompassing craving for human blood. It was even more than the passion that had overtaken me when I had tasted my first cannibalistic meal. I knew now, having discovered it, that I would never be ride of the desire I had for Bella Swan's blood.

I could be strong. I would be. No matter what the need was; I could overcome it. Hadn't I been doing just that for so many years now? Bella Swan would be dead and gone before I lived beyond twice my current age. Her blood would not be around forever, it would not outlive me. But I was trying to fool myself. Even if I live for ten thousand more years I would still yearn for her blood.

There was no choice for me then. I would need to curb the desire, to harness and control it. If Bella truly were my test, if she had been placed on this Earth just to entice me, then I would accept the challenge. I would prove to myself, and Carlisle, that there is no doubt, no hesitation in my heart.

My head felt clearer already. My thoughts were returning to normal. The beast still lingered, as it always did, and as it always would, but slowly I was taking charge of myself again. The sharp cold of the Canadian winter whipped my clothes around me as I drove; the snow seeped in from the open windows.

I was sure that by the time I reached Denali, Bella and her blood would be washed from my body. And I would be beholden to no longing then.

* * *

Wednesday

Tanya watched me with a superior little smile. She was enjoying my pain as if it were a great gift to her. I heard her taunting thoughts, no matter how I tried to ignore them. She shouted them in her head, biting at my mind, pecking at all the weaknesses within me.

_All twisted up over a human._ She laughed aloud at my pained expression. _I always knew a female would soon bring you to your knees, Edward. Though I admit, that I had always hoped it would be me...Does your weakness so control you? Haven't you gained resolve yet? Will you run from her, Edward? Will you run from a frail, little girl? Or will you succumb? Will you taste her life flow between your lips?_

I growled, deep and low in my chest, warning her not to push me. My retreat was less successful than I had planed. I had expected to find peace in Denali, somewhere to rest where I would be able to think and sort out my thoughts. I hadn't anticipated Tanya's obvious glee with the situation.

_Who knew, perfect Edward would lose control? You always did think you were so superior, didn't you? You always thought that you could prevail, even when your brothers and sisters occasionally lost their way. Did you ever think you would fall so far?_

I clamped my teeth down and ground them together tightly.

_Poor, dear. I wish there was something we could do to help._

Kate's thoughts broke through her sister's jeering. At least the others had given me the space that I desired. They hadn't understood, but Carlisle had asked them to allow me distance in order to gain perspective over the situation.

_Perhaps we should invite him to live with us for a while, to get away from Forks. Carlisle can be so judgmental. His sterling record is too much for anyone to live up to. It will break Edward apart._

At least Kate's thoughts didn't make my ache. I didn't agree with her, but she was easier to listen to than Tanya.

"Are you ignoring me, Edward?" Tanya slinked further into the room.

I turned to glare at her, baring my teeth instinctually to warn her away.

She ignored me, as she had when I had told her to give me peace, and when I had placed a closed door between us, and when I had asked her to go.

Suddenly her mind bombarded mine with pictures of her clad in various stages of undress. _Such passion, Edward, must be put to good use._

I concentrated hard on notes of a Rachmaninoff concerti, reciting the chords off in my head, pushing Tanya's thoughts from my head. I had forgotten how forward she could me, and how persistent. Usually I had my family around me to act as a buffer between us, and to give her less opportunity for her to corner me alone.

"Just stop," I commanded, now tapping the notes onto my leg. A piano would be best. Tanya was at least right about me needed something to pour my pent up passion into.

The images retreated, as Tanya pulled back. "Come on, Edward," she said, not giving up on her coy tone. _Just give in to me, do us both some good. I promise I'll make you forget…_

I roared, pushing her aside with force I would never usually apply to a female, even if she were a vampire of equal strength. She slid back, looking as surprised as I felt; yet another aspect of my nature for me to be ashamed of. When would it end? Where would the line be drawn?

Disgusted, I fled again, until I felt the hard Alaskan tundra pounding beneath my feet.

* * *

Thursday

The blood gushed down my throat, the sweet surge instantly filling my veins, and curbing the desperate edge of my hunger. It would never satiate the beast. I would never be able to feel true satisfaction. Still, I drank deeply and eagerly, taking down an extra buck when two would not do.

I was gorging, I knew. Taking much more than I needed, but I couldn't stop myself. Perhaps, if I drank until my body would burst I would gain just a shred of my formal control.

_Enough, Edward._

The monster in me growled at Eleazar. It wasn't getting the blood it wanted, but it finally had something to fill the void. It did not want to be denied again.

_He will drink himself to death if he continues on like this._

The disappointment in his mind grounded me. I finished off the animal beneath my teeth and drew back.

"I shouldn't take so much from your hunting grounds, I'm sorry," I said, knowing he would hear me even from a distance. Quickly, I disposed of the evidence of my feast before rejoining Eleazar.

He was patiently waiting for me a ways away, having finished with his own hunt, and wishing to give me privacy with mine. "You are welcome to whatever you need, Edward," he said. _I just don't want you to do yourself harm._

I snorted, licking the last traces of blood from my teeth. "Why worry about the condemned?"

Eleazar raised a brow. _I am not, Carlisle._ "You know I have no head for your spiritual debates, Edward."

I shrugged. It was not a debate to me.

"Walk with me, and tell me what you're thinking," he motioned for me to continue with him back towards the house. We had not hunted far, preferring to stay close to Denali, rather than take a trip to a more distant location.

_What can I say that could be a comfort?_

"I'm not looking for comfort," I growled. Creatures like me didn't deserve comfort.

"Then what will make this easier for you?" he asked.

"I don't want it to be _easy_ either." Why couldn't anyone see that? "It isn't meant to be easy."

"Oh?" asked Eleazar, clearly skeptical. _Why is everything such a struggle with you, Edward? Will you never be pleased?_

There was no way I could make him understand. Carlisle would, or maybe even Alice, but certainly not Eleazar. Abstinence wasn't supposed to be easy. It was a battle over indulgence, and of sin. It was self-denial, self-restraint, and self-discipline. It was how I tested myself, and kept myself balanced, and whole. I would never again be an innocent, but this much I could do. It was no less than what I deserved. My eternal penance. My perpetual damnation.

"I'm going back tomorrow," I said, rather than try to explain.

_Really?_ "So soon?" he asked, genuinely surprised.

I nodded. "Yes. I never should have left. I just needed to get some focus, to put some distance between Forks and myself."

Eleazar turned to me with a steady amber gaze. "You're sure?" _There's no way he can be ready, not yet. _"Perhaps you should stay a few more weeks, or indefinitely, you know you'd be welcome to." A picture of Tanya's face materialized in his mind; all the more reason for me to leave as soon as possible.

"I am sure," I said. "I need to be with my family. It was foolish to think that I should leave them."

Very foolish, I missed them now more than anything. I needed Carlisle's level head, Esme's devotion, and Alice's utter conviction in me. Even Rosalie's vain distraction, or Emmett's blissfully pure mind would be welcome. And I could only imagine how much Jasper's calm presence, and gift could have helped me. No, it was a mistake to try to leave. I belonged with my family, and right now they belonged in Forks. The decision beyond that was simple.

"So you will remain in Forks? You will not ask Carlisle to move?" _Perhaps I should call Carlisle myself, and tell him to start packing up. I would be more kind._

"We will not be relocating," I said firmly, wanting to destroy any thoughts he had of persuading Carlisle to do something drastic. "I will not loose perspective again. I know what to expect now."

Eleazer remained doubtful. _But can you be sure you won't loose control with temptation so near?_

"I won't," I growled fervently.

At least, I hoped I wouldn't.

* * *

Friday

I thought of Bella as I drove. I thought of her blood, I would always think of her blood, but I also thought about her. I needed to humanize her, so I wouldn't think about her as just the most delicious meal I could ever hope for.

Bella Swan. How had she caused this struggle within me?

I forced myself to analyze every minute second of the day I had nearly killed her. I combed through every thought I had overheard, every absurd fantasy that had played through the boys' heads, and every second I had spent restraining myself from ripping out her throat.

It wasn't until I made it back into Washington that I remembered one key detail. I hadn't _heard_ her at all; I hadn't been able to listen in on her thoughts. She had been a blank slate, it had annoyed me at first, but I had expected to be able to spend my time around her dissecting the enigma that was Bella Swan. I hadn't been expecting on having to focus all of my energy on keeping myself from literally dissecting _her_.

Were my bloodlust, and her inaccessibility somehow linked? Had I craved her blood over all other's because I was unable to imagine her as a person?

Usually my gift distanced me from the humans around me, and helped me to control my thirst. It was difficult to kill someone when you knew all of their innermost thoughts. The only time I had succumbed to the beast, I was still unable to kill people I knew were innocent. Even the sinful men I had killed, had haunted me. I had heard their internal monologues right up to the point when they lay lifeless in my arms.

If I hadn't been reborn as a vampire with this gift, would I have become something detestable? Would I have surrendered fully to the monster within?

How had this happened? I had never heard of a vampire reacting so strongly to any one human, but I had also never met a human I could not read. Perhaps Carlisle would know more about it, or Jasper. Our gifts were similar enough, that it's possible that he had come across a similar scenario, and his past was bloody enough that he would understand.

Yes, once I was among my family again, things would feel right. They would help me sort things out, we would stay in Forks, and that would be that. I would not let Bella Swan destroy what we had. But would my family feel the same way? Would they be able to trust me to walk back into that Biology class again? Or maybe they were so disappointed in my lapse that they would insist on relocation themselves. Could they hate me half as much as I hated myself?

My phone beeped once, letting me know a call was coming through. Thankfully my family had left me alone until now, but there was no longer any reason to ignore them anyway. I had already made my decision to come home.

"Edward?" Alice's voice bubbled even through the speaker. It was good to hear something so cheerful and pure again.

"Alice," I said, grateful, as always, that she was my sister.

"You're forgiven," she said. "And I just love the present you're going to buy to make up for giving us all the scare."

I chuckled. "I hadn't even made my decision yet, Alice."

"No, but I saw all the options, and any of them will do," she said. "You always give the best gifts."

"At least save the surprise for the rest of them," I pleaded.

"Of course, we're looking forward to having you back, Edward. We missed you," I didn't need to be able to read minds to hear the love in her voice then. "Jasper and Emmett will be on a hunting trip when you get back, you should make the detour to join them."

"Soon, Alice," I said.

"Soon," she agreed, then hung up the phone.

Well, I had to stop for gifts, and apparently to hunt again, but home was already in sight. And Bella, as well as her blood, was pushed to the far recesses of my mind.

* * *

Saturday

Emmett tackled me to the ground, pinning my chest beneath one broad shoulder. I slid out from beneath him, swiftly jumping on his back and angling my teeth towards his neck. I saw his intent to reach up and throw me from him in my mind, so I slid away just before his arm could wrap around my waist.

I skirted back, teeth bared, feeling exhilarated and strong.

Rolling his eyes, Emmett straightened and called the truce. It was an unusual act for him. He enjoyed wrestling more than any of us, and besting his brothers was one of his favorite things.

"Enough," Emmett said. _We can't spend all day pretending nothing's happened._

I bristled at the thought, my nerves still on edge, and my strength still buzzing. "Nothing did happen, _Emmett_." It was childish of me to throw his faults back in his face, but we had had to move than one occasions due to my brother's mistakes.

_Stop being petty._ Jasper joined us, laying a thick blanket of calm over us both.

I resisted, even though I knew it was useless, and then let it envelop me.

"Its enough that it almost happened," Jasper said. _And for once it isn't me everyone's worried about._

There was no argument to that. Jasper was right. It was enough that it had almost happened, and I had caused everyone nothing but worry.

"Don't go all melodramatic on us, brother," said Emmett. _You aren't exactly a martyr, Edward._

I rolled my eyes, I hardly thought of myself as a martyr. "I know," I said, answering both Jasper and Emmett together. "You're both right, I nearly slipped."

"What happened?" Jasper asked. I could hear his fascination in his mind. He had really thought that I was as controlled as Carlisle, even though he knew of my own bloodthirsty phase. _I never thought I would see the day._

I clenched my jaw.

"You were fine all that morning," said Emmett, as he tore a tree from the ground. He laid it on its side, and fell heavily down upon it until he had made himself a perfectly fitted seat. _You didn't seem hungry._

"I wasn't," I said, and ran a hand through my disheveled hair.

"Alice told us it was about that girl, the new one," Jasper said, sounding almost like he was saying something he shouldn't. He, more than the others, always felt guilty about sharing the secrets our gifts revealed. In his own way, he was trying to grant me privacy that I would never really have.

"Bella," I sighed, resigned now to my personal demon. "I don't know what came over me. One minute I was sitting in class, and the next…" I remembered how her smell had hit me all at once, the most desirable and pleasing scent I could never have imagined. "It was so sudden. I couldn't live without her blood in me, it…"

"Sang to you?" Jasper finished. _I know._

I looked at my brother in surprise. "You do?" I said.

"What?" asked Emmett. I could hear his annoyance at having to ask. _I'm never in the loop on these things._

"I've experienced something like it," he answered. I caught the scene in his mind, and more than ever I was glad that I had not unleashed the monster in that biology classroom.

"Like what?" Emmett growled his frustration.

I took pity on him. "It's like Jasper said. Her blood just sang to me. Like it was meant, or created for me."

_You should have tasted it._ I knew Jasper was trying to block his thoughts, not wanting to make my situation worse. Still, there was no hiding the absolute pleasure he remembered from draining his singer. He remembered the meal even now, and a part of him longed for the experience to repeat itself. _If I came across it again, I know I would…_

"You wouldn't," I told him. "You wouldn't do that to Alice."

Jasper hung his head, ashamed at being caught.

Emmett made a snorting noise.

"I was thinking that I would not have control if it happened a second time," Jasper filled Emmett in. "It was ten times stronger than the allure of a normal human."

"A thousand times stronger," I corrected.

"A million," Emmett threw in.

Jasper and I glared at him.

"What?" Emmett shrugged his shoulders. _See, I can do it too._

Together, Jasper and I sighed.

_You'll give in. It's too hard to resist. Please, don't let me the weakest anymore._

I tried to ignore Jasper's thoughts, and turned instead to Emmett. "I was blindsided," I told him. "I never knew something like that existed, but now that I do I'm prepared. I'll know what to expect next time."

"Next time?" asked Jasper. "Are you so torturous that you're going to put yourself around her?"

Emmett agreed. "Maybe it would be best for you to start 'home schooling.'" It was out way of withdrawing from the humans when things got to difficult. Usually Jasper was the one who had to make the retreat.

"No," my voice was fierce. They would not change my mind. I had to prove myself. "I can handle myself."

_Lies._ Jasper turned his steady gaze on me. _You'll need our help. You'll need all of our help._

* * *

Sunday

Despite my strength I had never once damaged any of the pianos I have had over the years. Only when my fingers are skating across the keys am I sure of my control. I do not feel restrained, even though I have to tone down every bit of my natural strength in order to play _pianissimo_. I am gentle; I caress the ivories, and unleash my heart upon the music.

_That's lovely, Edward._

I don't turn as Alice comes into the room, I can see in her head the picture of us sitting side by side at my piano as I play. I move down the bench to make room for her, and don't look up when I feel her weight settle against my side.

_Are you going to go to school tomorrow?_

I nod.

I'm glad she isn't questioning me, as the others have. I can hear the rest of my siblings upstairs discussing whether or not they will let me leave the house tomorrow. Esme too is worried, though she won't actually resort to keeping me home. Only Carlisle truly believed me when I assured them that I would be able to resist. He understands my need to prove myself at least.

_Nothing is going to happen. I can see that now. You won't do anything to her._

I transition into a sonatina, something light and fanciful. Alice rests her head against my shoulder.

_It's going to be hard, but you know I'll watch out for you._

Of course I knew. Alice would keep me strong, she would keep us safe.

_Something wonderful will come of this. I can feel it._

I turn to look down at Alice, a small smile on my lips. Only she would see a happy ending to this scenario. Only Alice.

_Do you doubt me, Edward?_ Her own return smile was mischievous.

I raised a brow. Who am I to doubt Alice?

She giggled and settled back into my shoulder. _I thought so. You'll see, Edward. Even you will find a happy ending._


	2. Bella Swan

Note: sahie83 brought up the fact that I had mixed up Jasper and Emmett's pasts in the last chapter. It was actually Emmett who had noticed a difference between quality of human blood, and Jasper who thought they were all the same…oops! I'll go back and change it when I get the chance, but for now it stands. Sorry!

* * *

They were keeping me distracted, and despite my attempts to remain in my melancholy, it was working.

Alice laughed, and lobbed a snowball at the back of my head. I heard her intent, and saw the picture in her mind of me ducking and the snowball catching Rosalie square in the back. I dropped to my knees.

"Ugh!" Rosalie cried in disgust, turning around to face us with her arms spread away from her body. "Alice!" Her face pinched as if she were in pain.

"Oh come on," Jasper joked, joining his wife. "It's not as if you feel the cold."

"No, but she's ruined my shirt! I just bought this!" She turned her back to Emmett. "Is it bad?" she asked him; sounding so heartbroken we just had to laugh.

_I'll show Alice._ I heard Emmett think, so I turned to see whether or not he would succeed in catching my sister unawares. Then I felt the cold trickle leak down the back of my collar.

"No fair," I turned on my brother as I shook the snow from my neck. "You were lying in your thoughts."

Emmett was smirking, another heap of snow between his two fists. It wasn't a snowball he was getting ready to throw; it was a snow _heap_. I bared my teeth at the challenge, ready for a fight.

"Boys," Alice chided, strolling between us. "We are in school, remember?"

I didn't bother to look around. I knew we were, and we wouldn't give ourselves away, but that didn't mean I would let Emmett get away with it. Or maybe I just had to distract him…

On a split second decision I darted forward, hoping I was quick enough for Alice. I wasn't. She sidestepped me just before I ran into her, and I had to stretch my arms out to knock her into a snowdrift.

She sat up giggling and knocking snow from her jacket. Rosalie snorted in disgust. _Honestly, how childish_, I heard her think.

Jasper reached down to help his wife up, shooting me an amused glare. _At least one of us can get away with that._

"You know you wish it was you," I told him, smiling.

_Nah, too scared._

I looked at tiny Alice with her spiky hair drooping form the ice that melted within it. "You're right. She's a terror, isn't she?"

Jasper and I shared a laugh, while Alice righted herself. We were so preoccupied that neither Alice nor I caught Rosalie's plan. Emmett's high-pitched squeak made us whip around.

Rosalie was standing, her arms crossed, looking at us in surprise. "What?" she said. _He deserved it. He shouldn't have made fun of my hair._

Emmett was sprawled into the snow, his own monstrous snowball somehow piled around his head.

We laughed together, and then bent over double when Rosalie scoffed and headed for inside. I offered Emmett a hand as we passed. We were all quite thoroughly wet, and Alice was right, it really wouldn't do to continue where the humans could see our antics.

_This isn't over._ Emmett was thinking. _After school and they're all going to get it…_

I flashed him a smile to show him I agreed wholeheartedly. I hadn't begun the day with much hope, but perhaps things would turn out as well as Alice had told me they would.

"Don't think you're in the clear yet, oh brother of mine," Alice said, but her smile revealed her humor. "I'll make sure you pay for this. Right, Jasper?"

I looked at my brother, lips twitching. "Is she right, Jasper?" I asked, putting him on the spot.

"Absolutely, Alice," he responded instantly. _I am not getting involved, but I'll buy you 50 new CD's if you get her like that again._

We strode into the cafeteria, as carefree and happy as a group of vampires could be. We weren't the only ones who had enjoyed the snow, the humans were all laughing, and shaking wet stuff from their clothes and from one another as they ate.

The five of us went through the line to collect our props, and then took to our usual table. Rosalie was still trying to figure out how to make herself presentable, and Emmett was wondering how he could get his wife back without bring her ire down upon him. "Never going to happen," I told him when he started thinking about hiding her cosmetics. "She'd kill you."

"I would," said Rosalie, even though she couldn't know what Emmett had been thinking.

"I hope its still snowing after school," Jasper said wistfully. He glanced at Alice for affirmation, but she shook her head sadly.

The snow would turn to rain and wash away what had already fallen; I could see it in Alice's mind as the vision came to her. We shared a sullen look that the rest of the table picked up on.

Emmett's good mood was not to be stifled. "Lucky for you guys, I was about to really bring on the pain…" His grin was wolfish.

We smirked. Rosalie scoffed. "You had better not be including me," she said sternly.

"Aw, of course I am, baby," teased Emmett. "You don't get exempt just because we're married."

My sister's lips twisted, but I could see the humor in her eyes. "Emmett," she warned.

His smile was broad. "Well, maybe there's something you can do to persuade me…"

Pictures of my sister doing things I hoped I would never see my sister do tickled the edge of my mind. I groaned. "Emmett!"

The couple's laughed, used to having even their fantasies play out in my mind. If only they knew how disturbing it was…Sure they got used to it, but me?

"Cut the man a break, will you?" Jasper laughed, even as his own thoughts of Alice started rising up. He was trying to suppress it, but I knew now that the topic was out there he couldn't help it.

I shivered in repulsion. Weren't they supposed to be the only ones who saw their wives like that? Where was the modesty? At least Alice and Rosalie weren't imagining…

"Oh come on!" I threw my apple between my sisters, hoping to distract them.

The girls laughed and exchanged truly evil looks.

_I'll save you brother._ Emmett thought as he leaned across the table and shook the saturated snow from his hair.

Rosalie and Alice shrieked, leaning away from the drops, even though there was no way to avoid the amount of wet that clung to Emmett.

"Thanks," I told Emmett dryly.

_Is she looking at the Cullen's again? Is that Edward?_ My good humor vanished when I heard Jessica Stanley's 'voice.' I glanced across the room to see Bella Swan staring directly at me. I met the gaze head on, trying to determine what she was thinking. Why couldn't I hear her? Why hadn't I even known she had arrived to lunch? What was wrong with me?

_Oh my god, he's starring at her!_

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Great, this is what I am now reduced to. Sneaking peaks into the minds of a high school girl.

"Stop looking at him," I heard Bella hiss.

_Spoilsport._ Jessica thought. _At least he's looking this way, wish he would look at me…_But her thoughts quickly turned to Mike Newton with the frivolous concentration that teenage girls possessed.

I continued to stare at Bella, pondering her, trying to find some crack into her mind. There was nothing, she was an absolute blank slate. Not one thought escaped through the cracks. What a puzzle.

"What's she thinking?" Alice asked.

I didn't remove my gaze, and I didn't answer. My family would change topics, and ignore me if I didn't explain myself. I wasn't ready to tell her my gift was failing me, I couldn't bare to tell any of them that I didn't hear Bella Swan. At least not yet.

I had biology with Bella next, and when my attitude had turned contemplative at lunch, my siblings began to worry.

_I don't know about this,_ Jasper was thinking. _Maybe we should just skip._

_I'll be looking out for you, Edward._ That was Alice. I saw her jab Jasper in the ribs, reminding him that he would me monitoring my mood as well. Great, now I was the one who needed the babysitter.

Emmett walked with me to my class, still grinning like a man possessed. He at least was more focused on how he could get Rosalie without getting in trouble himself.

"You never will," I reminded him. Emmett was a big baby really; Rosalie would best him every time.

My brother rolled his eyes. "There's no need to ruin my fun, Edward."

I smirked. "She has you wrapped around her finger."

Emmett shouldered me. If I had been anything but a vampire I would have gone flying into the set of lockers that lined the halls. "You're just jealous that you don't have a girl to tell you what to do."

"Exactly, Emmett," I said, stopping outside the biology class. "All this time I've really been so _jealous_ of you. I really wanted Rosalie to tell me what to wear, what to do, what to say…"

He snorted. "Whatever, brother." His smile was wide. "You know you are."

His parting thought was a picture of how he and Rosalie had spent their night. I winced away from the image. "Low blow, Emmett," I whispered, knowing he would hear me.

I sobered instantly as I turned to face the classroom. The room was slowly filling with students and Mr. Banner was passing out materials for today's lab. Bella Swan was sitting in the seat beside my own.

I took a deep breath before I moved any further, needed to taste her scent just once more before I resigned myself to this fate. It was even more wonderful than I had thought. The monster salivated within, but as I exhaled I realized it was bearable. I had hunted twice since I had last seen Bella, stuffing myself, curbing all but the worst aches of the thirst. I could do this. It was only one hour. She's only one girl.

Her head stayed bent away from me when I sat down, her hair parted down to cover her face as it was when I had been last week. What would be the best course of action? Should I ignore her or engage her? The monster ripped at my throat, panicked at the thought of being denied the bloodlust.

I was in control, I thought to myself. _I_ was, not the monster. I would prove that to myself. I could prove that.

"Hello," I said, needing to show myself that I was better than the monster.

She looked up, her fear and astonishment plain on her features. Could she see my hunger? Did she know I wanted to kill her, even this very moment?

I could barely remain seated. Her blood was calling to me, singing to me, as Jasper had described it. I was only breathing when it was necessary to talk, and holding my face away from her scent, but it wasn't enough. She was still plainly terrified, so I forced myself to calm my expression. It wouldn't do to frighten her.

"My name is Edward Cullen," I said, smiling to put her more at ease. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

I could see her confusion, knowing it wouldn't match even a tenth of the confusion I myself felt. "H-how do you know my name?"

I laughed to put her more at ease. "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."

She grimaced. "No. I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

Internally I winced. What a stupid mistake. Isa_bella_. She hadn't told people to call her Bella until after they had been introduced. I decided to lay it on a bit thick, and turned up the vampire charm. I would play up my confusion. "Do you prefer Isabella?"

"No, I like Bella," she said. She had shifted closer to me as she explained, her smell wafting through the currents of the classroom, holding me paralyzed. All it would take is a few more inches and I could have her. I _needed_ her. "But I think Charlie—I mean my dad—must call me Isabella behind my back—that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

"Oh," I said, distractedly. I needed to reign myself in. I looked away, waiting for Mr. Banner to start the class and explain the lab.

Every moment I was aware of Bella beside me. My body called to her, as her blood called to me. I could control this, I reminded myself. I wasn't a monster. I could handle this. I took a few experimental breaths when she wasn't looking, taking in her scent and familiarizing myself with it. It became easier and easier, but it was still torture. Every time she moved I was awash again and had to start from scratch.

Mr. Banner had finished talking. I couldn't distance myself any longer.

"Ladies first, partner?" I asked Bella, pushing the microscope towards her. I didn't quite trust myself to move yet, and a twisted part of me wanted to see her bent over the microscope, vulnerable to my deadly teeth. I smiled, hoping it would come off charming rather than menacing.

She gaped and my smile faltered.

"Or I could start if you wish." Maybe the reason I couldn't sense anything from her mind was because she was simple. Maybe there weren't any thoughts in there.

"No," she said, and I watched in horror as the blood drained from her cheeks. I followed its retreat sadly, willing the blush to come back. "I'll go ahead.

She pulled the microscope to her, parted her hair over her back, and leaned over to examine the first slide. As she examined the specimen, I examined her neck, tracing the veins with my eyes.

"Prophase," she said, sitting up much too quickly. She pulled her hair back over her neck, hiding my view.

"Do you mind if I look?" I asked, desperate to replace the repulsive image in my mind. I couldn't let myself loose control.

Without thinking I reached out to stop her from removing the slide, she jerked away, as she should. I felt the shock as her skin had made contact with my own, but I also felt the shame. Of course she wouldn't enjoy being touched by something like me… "I'm sorry," I muttered. So, sorry, I thought.

Needing the distraction more than ever, and hoping that an onion root would provide it, I reached for the microscope again. I glanced in the eyepiece, noted the phase, and pulled back. "Prophase," I said. She was right. I replaced the slide. "Anaphase."

"May I?"

I turned and smirked at my partner, sensing the superiority. So, she thought she knew better than I did? I could practically see the disappointment on her face when she discovered I was right.

"Slide three?" She held out her hand.

My gaze lingered for only a second, examining the spidery veins in her palm. Remembering out last brief contact I dropped the slide in her hand as carefully as possible. She examined the slide, and I could tell she was trying to be quicker than I had been.

"Interphase." I confirmed her answer with a glance half as quick as hers, feeling strangely amused at my competitiveness. I wrote out our answers, watching her from the corner of my eye as she pulled her books to her, trying to find something to occupy her time.

I watched her as she fiddled with her pencil, trying to guess what she was thinking. Was she afraid of me? Was I making her anxious? I felt oddly torn. I had never so desperately wanted to know a human's thoughts. Could she sense the monster? I remembered her reaction from our touch, and it pained me. I didn't know why, but I knew that I didn't want her to be so afraid, I didn't want her to be repulsed.

"Did you get contacts?"

Where had that come from? "No," I said shortly.

"Oh," she said, looking confused. "I thought there was something different about your eyes."

I fought the urge to freeze, and shrugged instead, turning my face and my body away. My fists clenched in my lap, my nails digging grooves into my unbreakable skin. So she really had noticed my bloodlust last week. Was she aware of how close I had come to killing her?

Mr. Banner picked up our lab, looking it over disdainfully. I knew he didn't care for my siblings or me. _There's got to be something wrong on here…_His thoughts were always so superior. As if teaching high school science in Forks, Washington was something special.

"So, Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?"

"Bella." My correction was automatic. "Actually," I said, letting some of my surprise show in my tone. "She identified three of the five." It was nice to give someone else the credit for once, no matter how competitive I felt.

_Not another one._ Mr. Banner thought. _That's the last thing we need in this damn school. I am not going to spend any more time on accommodations; she can just deal with the lesson plans I've already written._

I listened to his thoughts rather than the conversation, though I was interested to hear that Bella was in an advanced placement program. At least the object of my interest and desire wasn't a simpleton.

_Let them have each other,_ Mr. Banner thought as he walked away._ Maybe they'll find a way to keep out of my hair._

I rolled my eyes at that, and focused my attention on Bella again. She was doodling in the margins of her notebook. For the hundredth time, I wondered what she was thinking. It was so frustrating not knowing. How did people do it all the time?

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked, trying to draw her out. If I couldn't hear her thoughts, at least I could hear what she had to say. Maybe somewhere in the midst of small talk she would reveal herself to me.

"Not really."

I saw the lack of conviction on her face. It was strange, having to study her body language. I never realized how many faces humans made. Did Bella realize she scrunched her nose up when she thought? "You don't like the cold," I stated, wanting to confirm my guess.

"Or the wet."

She wasn't offering me much. "Forks must be a difficult place for you to live."

Bella continued doodling as she answered. "You have no idea."

Oh, but I did. I watched her expressions now, looking for any clue as to what was going on in her mind. She continued to peak at me periodically, obviously trying not to be noticed. What did she think of me?

"Why did you come here, then?"

This seemed to stop her; maybe I was getting to the root of the enigma that was Bella Swan. Maybe by understanding her, I could understand what was happening to me.

"It's…complicated."

Another short answer. I needed more. "I think I can keep up."

Her eyes met mine, and I reached into their depths, willing her mind to open. "My mother got remarried."

What a trivial answer, it was almost disappointing. "That doesn't sound so complex." Was that too harsh? Is that the kind of thing a human boy would say? "When did this happen?" I said, instead trying to sound sympathetic.

"Last September."

Her voice was wistful and sad, her eyes looked distant. "And you don't like him."

"No," I was surprised how vehemently she disagreed; I was so sure I had her expression correctly interpreted. "Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough."

I continued to question her, soaking in every answer, committing it to memory. I knew I would dissect the conversation later, and I would analyze every emotion, every response that flitted across her face. What was it about her…?

"He plays ball for a living," I perked up when she said this. Baseball!

"Have I heard of him?" It wasn't any fun watching humans play, but I still knew what was going on in the sports world, thanks to Emmett.

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."

Ah. I caught the resentment on Bella's face. So that was why she was really here. "And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him."

"No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." Strangely I was reminded of Rosalie. So, Bella did have a backbone after all…and I was wrong again.

Why couldn't I get her expressions right? I had been so sure. "I don't understand," I said slowly, it was so maddening. It had been a long while since anything had so confused me.

I had to understand.

I listened as she tried to explain, watching as her cheeks fell, and the corners of her lips stiffened. She hated it here. "But now you're unhappy," I said, needing confirmation.

"And?"

I watched her intently. She was angry with me again, or annoyed, I wasn't entirely sure which now. "That doesn't seem fair," it didn't. Though, I knew I understood in a way. I would have moved to Denali to give my family what they needed. She had moved to Forks to give her mother the same thing.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair?" she looked positively righteous.

How amusing. I had never believed a human could be so fascinating. "I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before."

"So that's all," she said. Her face became calm once more.

I looked her over; trying to find what was hidden behind her mask. There was so much there that I hadn't expected…she really was more than just a meal. There was reason, and emotion behind her words. Were all humans like this?

"You put on a good show," I said, not really sure of what to say. What could I say? What would be appropriate? "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

I knew I was right this time. I had to be. I had seen the shadows lurking behind her eyes. They were familiar shadows.

"Am I wrong?" I asked, strangely needing the validation.

She didn't answer, and instead returned to doodling on her notebook.

I smiled wide. Finally I had her. "I didn't think so."

"Why does it matter to _you_?"

My smile faded. Why did it matter? "That's a very good question." I listened to the sigh that parted her lips, saw how they fluttered as it escaped her mouth. "Am I annoying you?" It was a pleasant turn of events. If only she knew how much she confounded me, how she was now the most frustrating thing I had ever encountered in all my eighty years.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book."

My smug thoughts came grounding to a halt. "On the contrary," I said slowly, meaningfully. "I find you very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then."

I bared my teeth in a smile. "Usually."

Mr. Banner called the class' attention to the front, and Bella turned so quickly that her hair flew over her shoulder, blowing a fresh assault of her scents in my direction. And I had been doing so well…

I clenched my hands against the table, and angled my body as far away from her as possible, angry with myself for responding this way. I could feel the edge of where I had destroyed the pulp last week, and willed my fingers to relax. If I tore anymore from the bottom of the table, the school would have to replace it, and I wasn't sure I could explain tearing the thing in half in my current condition.

By the time the bell rang again, I was out of my seat and through the door before Bella even had a chance to realize I had gone.

This time I didn't feel guilty for hiding in my car. I knew now that I could control myself around Bella, that I could fight away the demon and _talk_ to her like I was normal. Instead I took the last hour of the day to compose my thoughts, and to revel in the power I felt at being able to withstand this newest temptation. My brothers and sisters weren't likely to give me any solitude tonight, not with everything going on, so I would want the peace while it lasted.

I was glad she was so interesting. Now that I had talked to her I knew it would be easier to control the monster. I had humanized her; she was real to me, and more than just a possible dinner. She was just a new girl, moving to be with her father to give her mother and her stepfather peace. I couldn't relate to that, but I could understand it. She was just a normal teenage girl.

Then why did I feel this way? Why did I feel so exhilarated? How had a human created this response in me?

But how couldn't I feel like this? She was so interesting. It was so impossible not to want to know what she was thinking when she blushed, or hid behind or hair. Worse, I had to know what made her stare back at me so confidently. I had to know what she thought about _me_. Could she sense my struggle? Did she have as difficult a time reading me as I did her?

I wrestled with myself, my emotions ranging wildly. I wasn't sure what to think, or what to feel. I didn't even bother to play music while I sat in my Volvo, something that would have astounded my siblings. Instead I wrapped myself in the blissful quiet, and waited for school to finish.

When the last bell rang I jumped out of my car to lean against the door. I told myself I was only watching the front doors of the school to look out for my siblings. My real intent was thinly veiled; I was really waiting for Bella.

She came from the gym, huddled inside her jacket, her face angled towards the ground. She was thinking intently, not paying attention to the people passing around her, or me. I studied her as she walked, watching as she jumped into her truck, and shook the rain from her hair. What had her so occupied? Was she thinking of me just as I was thinking of her?

Then her eyes met mine through her passenger window. Hers widened then she looked away, her truck quickly moving into reverse.

_Man, what is wrong with this girl? _ I caught Lauren Mallory's thoughts as Bella nearly backed into her car.

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh, my mirth only intensifying as I caught sight of Bella's expression as she passed my Volvo.

_Well at least he's smiling._ I caught Jasper's thought.

_There is something wrong with my brother. _Rosalie was thinking. _Definitely mentally unbalanced. I think all those voices are finally getting to him._

I ignored their judgmental thoughts, unable to shake my amusement for some reason. Bella Swan was certainly doing something to me.

_Crazy,_ Alice thought. _Perfectly crazy._


	3. Wrecked

I hit the patch of ice going far enough above the speed limit to deserve jail time. The Volvo locked, and skated down the highway, shaking the car from side to side.

"Damn, that was what, 50 meters farther than the last one?" Emmett asked.

_No more._ Jasper was begging in the back seat. _Please, just let us get to school in one piece._

"Alice," I said. "Can you please assure Jasper that we aren't going to get in a wreck?"

I slammed my foot back on the accelerator as the ice ran out and started slowing my car to a stop.

"We're going to be fine," Alice was saying. "And I see you getting an A on your chemistry test in an hour."

Jasper didn't seem relieved, so I decided to take it easy on him. "Sorry, Rosalie," I told my sister. "Maybe we'll hit a few more on the way home."

In the backseat, Rosalie pouted and threw Jasper a look. _Major Whitlock afraid of a little ice…how'd he hold up in war really...?_

I snorted. I had seen how our brother had held up in war from his own mind and if he was afraid of the ice…well, at least he was afraid of something.

Emmett was pouting too. We'd made a bet on how far we thought my car could slide and he'd lost twice already. He was hoping to call the next one. "How long is the ice going to hold up, Alice?"

"Long enough," she said. In her mind sprang a picture of Emmett trying to ice skate and breaking through to the water below. I chuckled and we exchanged a look through the rear view mirror. _Think we should salt it?_ My nod was barely visible, but Alice's answering grin was instant. Emmett could use an ice bath.

Rosalie had caught onto our silent exchange and looked ready to prod Alice for answers so I decided to interrupt. "I think we should wait for Carlisle to get off work and go ice skating."

_Oh, finally. I didn't get to use the new ones I bought last year. Or are they too out of season? Should I go to the Newton's store and get a new pair?_

I rolled my eyes. "They're fine, Rosalie."

"I don't want to look ridiculous out there," she answered.

Jasper grinned. He already looked much calmer since I'd started avoiding the ice patches. "Who're you trying to impress?"

As Alice saw it, I started seeing the image of Rosalie pushing Jasper in the water after Emmett, a look of gleeful revenge on her face. Alice glanced at me through the mirror again. _I guess she's decided to show him who looks ridiculous._

I pulled into the school parking lot, lining up with the rest of the slow moving cars waiting for parking spots. I tapped my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. Going slow was so _boring_.

Almost as if I was seeking her unconsciously I realized that Bella's truck was in line a few cars ahead of us. I could see her eyes through the rear view mirror. She seemed to be concentrating very hard. I watched her as the cars found their places, and then I pulled into our usual spot.

Rosalie and Jasper were arguing as they climbed out of the car, and I tried to pay attention to the conversation, but my eyes were drawn back to where Bella was standing at the rear of her truck. She looked like she was somewhere else entirely, her eyes glassy, her expression vacant. I was trying to decipher her expression when I heard Alice's soft "Oh no."

The vision I saw in her head was gruesome. The blue van pulling into the parking lot was going to hit a patch of ice and swerve right into Bella. I saw her mangled, bloody body lying limp across the pavement; I saw my family having to hold me back as I snapped my jaws at them, desperate for release.

_Not her!_ I made my decision, almost without thinking it. The screech started just a half-second before I started moving. I was at her side instantly, pushing myself against Bella, holding my body between her and the van. She fell to the ground, with me atop her, caging her in. The van hit the corner of Bella's truck; right where she had just been standing, and I cursed aloud when I realized it hadn't come to a stop. It was still moving, coming for us again. I sat up, holding my hands out in front of me, and dug them into the bumper of the van. The van still had some momentum left in it, it was moving now towards Bella's legs.

What did I have to do to save this girl? Even though the thought, as well as my actions surprised me, I wasn't finished. I turned my body, bracing the van against my shoulder, while I swung Bella's body around. She was as so light, but I didn't have time to think about damaging her as I pushed her body away, making sure that when the van finally came to a halt it wasn't on either of us.

When it was over I stared in horror at my hands, unable to comprehend what I had just done. What had I been thinking? I saw the imprints my fingers had left on the bumper and immediately reached out to punch uniformed holes into the groves.

Suddenly the thoughts started assaulting me. Everyone had been utterly focused on the crash that they hadn't been thinking straight, but now their every poured into my head. Wincing, and particularly avoiding the thoughts of my family, I turned to Bella. She had to be okay, I hadn't just risked everything for nothing.

She lay limp, her eyes closed, her breath ragged. My chest felt tight, she could be hurt…had I been too rough? Had I damaged her? Not even the monster within me rejoiced at that. "Bella? Are you alright?" I whispered, desperate for her answer.

"I'm fine," she said. I doubted a human could have heard it. It was so soft and frail. I had to protect her; I had to make sure she was okay. I swept her body to mine, just as she attempted to sit up. It felt right, holding her close, but she was struggling. Obviously, she had more unconscious self-preservation than I did.

"Be careful," I warned her, trying not to sound hurt as she drew away. "You hit your head pretty hard." Had she noticed anything? Had she seen how I saved her? Maybe I could convince her she had a head injury. There had to be a way to salvage this yet. How could I have been so stupid?

It was hard to chastise myself when so much of me was still worried about her. She seemed okay, but human bodies were so delicate. There was so much…soft stuff inside them.

"Ow," she said as she felt her head, but there was an almost smile on her lips, that I wasn't sure she was aware of.

"That's what I thought," I said. The look on her face was so comical, all twisted up like Rosalie loosing her favorite pair of shoes.

My laughter stopped instantly when she spoke again. "How in the…How did you get over here so fast."

She had noticed. She'd seen me. How could I make this right? "I was standing right next to you, Bella." If only I could hear her thoughts, maybe I could work this to my advantage, but I had no idea what she was thinking.

I let her go when she tried to sit up again and then moved as far away from her as a could. I had made a mistake. I shouldn't have tried to save her…but I couldn't have let her die, could I? I couldn't have her blood…I wanted to close my eyes and think, but Bella was looking at me, and I could not look away.

Then they were all around us, hands clearing away the debris, trying to reach for Bella. Far fewer hands were trying to reach me. Bella tried to stand up again in order to climb out of the wreckage herself, but I pushed her back down. If she was hurt, I wasn't going to have herself do harm now, not after everything I had just done.

"Just stay put for now," I said, there was nothing in my voice, nothing.

"But it's cold," she complained.

I chuckled disgustedly. What was colder, the pavement or me?

"You were over there." I stopped laughing. "You were by your car." I glared at her. Was she really going to do this to me? Would she spill my secret? I had to make her believe she saw something else.

"No," I said hard, willing her with everything in my body to believe me. "I wasn't."

Even injured, even though her voice shook, she jutted out her chin and glared. "I saw you."

I could feel my eyes darken. The monster was slowly coming back to life, catching up with my racing thoughts. It was slowly realizing what an opportunity I had given up. "Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." I needed her to hear the plea in my voice, to see the truth in my eyes. Humans were usually so suggestible, why was she being so stubborn?

"No." Her eyes were level, her voice firm. Nothing else existed around us, and for a split second I was awed.

Then I became aware of how short our time together would be, the rescuers were nearly at us. She had to stay quiet; I couldn't let her say a word to the paramedics.

My resolve fell. "Please, Bella."

She looked suspicious, and surprised all at once. "Why?"

There were only seconds left. She had to give the paramedics my story. "Trust me," I said. My secret, my life was in her hands. If she said anything…I had messed up far worse than Emmett ever had.

Her face softened. "Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"

Was it so impossible to trust a vampire? "Fine," I snapped.

"Fine," she shot back, just as angry.

Feeling vengeful I knocked aside the stretcher when the EMT tried to get me to climb on, and mentioned to him that Bella had a head injury. With some satisfaction I watched as they strapped her to a head brace and loaded her into the ambulance, knowing that she was furious.

I avoided the eyes and thoughts of my family as they loaded Tyler and Bella up. I couldn't bear to see the horror and shame in their eyes. Could they understand that I had to do what I did? Could I understand?

Still, as I climbed into the passenger seat of the ambulance, I couldn't help but catch sight of them, standing just beyond my Volvo. Rosalie looked furious, and her thoughts were deadly. Jasper looked disapproving, and Emmett merely confused.

It was Alice's thoughts that hurt the worse. _Edward, what have you done?_

I looked away. Of all of my siblings, I would have hoped Alice understood my actions. After all she had seen how I would have reacted to Bella's blood exposed right in front of me.

There were more urgent matters to worry about now. I couldn't have the EMT's examine me in case they discovered that I didn't exactly have a heart rate, and that my temperature was about as warm as a buried corpse. I pulled the Carlisle card, demanding that my father be the only doctor to examine me, and really, the EMT's didn't want to argue. The danger on my face was plain and at least these humans instinctually knew better than to prod a vampire.

The trip was short, complete with a police escort. I did my best to ignore the thoughts of Bella's father as we drove. I couldn't help but imagine how he would respond if I had released the monster a week ago. Charlie Swan clearly cared very much for his daughter and loosing her would have destroyed him, I could see that now.

When we got to the hospital I strode in through the ER doors and sought Carlisle immediately. I got past the nurses station with the EMT's and found Carlisle leaning over a patient's bed, drawing blood. He glanced up at me in complete surprise, but nodded at me to wait for him.

I had to stop breathing to be able to approach him and waited while he finished up; unable to look at the blood as it flowed from his body into a clear, sanitized tube.

"What's happened?" Carlisle asked as soon as he had led me back to his office where it was safe to talk.

I clenched my jaw, not knowing where to begin.

_Just spit it out Edward!_

It was unlike Carlisle to be so impatient.

"I've done something terrible…or good…I'm not really sure which." I didn't feel sure of anything anymore.

"What is it?" Carlisle prodded.

"A human…" I struggled. "_May_ have seen me run across the school parking lot and stop a speeding van from crushing her."

Carlisle looked…conflicted. His thoughts were bouncing almost too quickly for me to catch. _Human…well if she saw…but what could she see…and if she was going to die...oh Edward._

I hung my head. I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it if Carlisle didn't approve of my actions.

"Of course you did the right thing," Carlisle said finally. "You've saved an innocent's life. That's always the right thing to do, I just wish…" _I wish it hadn't been so public._

"I know," I agreed, but I already felt loads lighter. Carlisle supported me.

_Who was it…_His tone was suspicious, even in his mind. He had already guessed at the answer.

"You're right," I said, thinking of Bella. "But I had to, I couldn't see her die."

And as I said it I knew it was true. I had to protect her; I couldn't let anything bad happen to her, ever. It was ironic really, that a week ago the only thing in the world Bella Swan needed to be protect from was me.

"I know, Edward," Carlisle sighed. "Still, now I suppose we'll have to leave town before she can tell anyone what she saw."

I hesitated. Would Bella do as I had asked? Would she protect our secret? I couldn't leave Forks now. I wasn't ready to leave yet. "She won't tell."

"She won't tell? Or she didn't see?" Carlisle clarified.

"She won't tell," I repeated again, with more conviction than I felt. I really hoped Bella wouldn't disappoint me.

Then Carlisle smiled and clasped me warmly on the shoulder. "You are a good man, Edward." _You are a good son. _"I am proud of you."

I felt myself rejoice at the words. I knew my father loved me, but his respect was something more.

"Tell me what I can do to help," said Carlisle.

My thoughts were coming easier now. Carlisle was proud of me, Bella was going to keep quiet, and everything would turn out for me—for once.

"I need you to discharge me, the EMT's knew I was in an accident and have my paperwork," Carlisle nodded, that much was easy. "Then, if you would—take a look at Bella?" I ended on a plaintive note, but Carlisle didn't mention it.

"Very well," you go ahead and check up on your human, and I'll finish up your paperwork."

I didn't immediately move. I smiled at my father for another moment longer, and then I turned back through the hospital and made my way to Bella.

It was laughable how easy everything was now. The smells of the hospital didn't affect me at all. I felt light as air, and probably moved a little faster than a normal human would, but for once I wasn't second guessing, I wasn't caring.

I slowed my pace as I reached Bella and saw her resting on a bed, eyes closed, looking utterly peaceful. I stopped breathing, not because I chose to but because I suddenly felt unable to. Something was happening to me. Something both unfamiliar and wonderful.

"Is she sleeping?" I asked, noticing that Tyler was looking at me.

I smirked as Bella's eyes snapped open and watched as a fight broke out on her face. She seemed drawn between awe and anger, but in the end her glare won out.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry—" Tyler interrupted, but not even he could dissipate my good mood.

I held up my hand to silence him, and he quieted instantly. "No blood, no foul," I said. I smirked at my little joke, almost wishing one of my family members were here.

Tyler nodded slowly, not willing to push his luck. He still looked like he wanted to say something so I sat at the edge of his bed and turned my back against him so I could face Bella. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked.

I watched as Bella's jaw clenched. "There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

I smiled again. I could hear Carlisle's thoughts as he neared us. "It's all about who you know," I said, feeling sly. "But don't worry, I came to spring you." I leaned forward, my smile widening, and wondered what was coming over me. This wasn't like me at all.

_Its good to see you smile._ Carlisle looked at me. Aloud he said; "So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," said Bella. She'd lost some of her conviction, and my smile faded, just slightly. For the first time I was glad that I couldn't hear what Bella was thinking. If there was even one thought of my father in her head right now…I didn't want to think about that.

Carlisle was examining her X-ray on the light board. _No damage done, how do you want me to play this? Concussion? Or worse? Is she going to need further convincing?_

"No," I whispered so only my father could hear me. The humans didn't even turn their heads.

"Your X-ray looks good," Carlisle said aloud. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard."

"I'm fine," she repeated, going so far as to throw in a glare at me.

Carlisle was already at her side; she jumped when his cool fingers started probing her temple. "Tender?"

Bella hid a grimace behind badly acted indifference. "Not really."

_Stubborn_, Carlisle thought

I chuckled. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Well, your father is in the waiting room—you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

"Can't I go back to school?" She sounded pitiful; I glanced up at my father to let him see me roll my eyes.

"Maybe you should take it easy today." _Very stubborn_, Carlisle corrected.

"Does _he_ get to go to school?"

I held back another laugh at her tone, I didn't think she would take it very well, but I couldn't resist one more prod at her expense. "Someone has to spread the good news that we survived."

_And explain to your siblings…I've just had a call, and they are really looking forward to talking with you, Edward._

I sobered a bit at that, but I refused to let it ruin my good mood.

"Actually," Carlisle went on. "Most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

"Oh no." Fascinated I watched as the blood flooded Bella's cheeks, until she buried her face behind her hands.

_Did she hit more than her head?_ Carlisle's tone was suddenly full of concern.

I shook my head, exchanging a look with my father over Bella's head.

"Do you want to stay?" he asked Bella.

"No, no!" she insisted. Afraid of Carlisle keeping her longer, she leapt out of bed too quickly. My father caught her before she could fall. _Maybe I should keep her for observation, and get her checked over._

"I'm fine!" Bella repeated.

I smirked at Carlisle, and raised my brow in a challenge. If he could keep her…

_I guess that answers that._ "Take some Tylenol for the pain."

"It doesn't hurt that bad," she insisted.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," said Carlisle. _Lucky my son has taken such a fancy to you._ Both his eyes and mine widened, he hadn't meant to think it, and I hadn't expected to hear it.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me." I drew my eyes away from Carlisle's to look at Bella in amazement, shocked for the second time in under a minute. She'd actually managed to say it with a straight face.

"Oh, well, yes," agreed Carlisle. He was gathering up his papers, reciting the Latin names of every bone in the body to keep his thoughts to himself. I didn't know who he was nervous about revealing something in front of: Bella, or me.

My good mood wasn't holding anymore. I needed another private moment with Carlisle to discuss what he was thinking. Did he really think I had taken an…_attraction_ to Bella? The idea was ludicrous.

Bella turned to me the moment my father moved onto Tyler. "Can I talk to you for a minute," she hissed.

I flinched away, confused at the response within myself. Her anger was really something, but was I drawn to it? I stiffened under her glare. This was ridiculous. "Your father is waiting for you."

_Calm down, Edward, you'll scare the girl like that._

She glanced at Carlisle almost as if she had heard him then looked back at me. "I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind."

_Do what you must._

I strode out of the room, knowing that Bella would not be able to keep up. Suddenly I wasn't terribly excited about spending time around her. I spun around when I felt her catch up. "What do you want?" What more would I have to do for her? Wasn't it enough that I hadn't killed her? That I saved her life?

She faltered. "You owe me an explanation."

Then what would I _owe_ her? "I saved your life—I don't owe you anything."

She flinched away, but I felt no victory for it. Instead I felt only disgust. "You promised."

"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about." Maybe I should have Carlisle hold her after all, draw up some paperwork, make everything think Bella Swan had knocked all sense from her brain.

Her cheeks swelled with blood, her temper rising again. "There's nothing wrong with my head."

"What do you want from me, Bella?" What more could I give?

"I want the truth," she said stubbornly. "I want to know why I'm lying for you."

My lip pulled upward into a sneer. I was truly an idiot. How had I gotten myself involved with her? "What do you _think_ happened?"

"All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me—Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both—and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it—and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all—and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up…" She ground her teeth together to stop the torrent of words.

I didn't know how to react. She'd seen much more than I thought she had, and she didn't sound like she wanted to keep it to herself. There was only one way to play this.

"You think I listed a van off you?" It wouldn't be the first time I would have to convince someone that they were mistaken.

She nodded. She didn't seem like she was buying it.

"Nobody will believe that, you know," but we wouldn't be around long enough to find out. If she was going to talk it was time for us to leave.

"I'm not going to tell anybody."

I couldn't read her thoughts, but I could read the honesty on her face. She really wouldn't tell anyone. "Then why does it matter?"

"It matters to me. I don' t like to lie—so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you." I almost smiled at the menace in her voice. It was the most threatening expression of gratitude I had ever heard.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" Maybe this would work. She could torture herself all she wanted over this, as long as she didn't tell anyone else.

"No."

"In that case…" What more could I say? She wasn't going to back down, but neither was I. "I hope you enjoy disappointment."

We glared at one another. It was a stalemate.

"Why did you even bother?"

I paused, imagining the picture I had seen in Alice's head, her body twisted, her blood running freely. "I don't know," I whispered. I hadn't meant for her to hear that, so I turned on my heel and strode away as quickly as _humanly_ possible.


End file.
